Day 29 on Strattera
How I feel
VERY, VERY frustrated!
Yes Strattera works, because I don’t have this hunted and rush feelings anymore.
But it’s not enough!
The irritation feelings are still very strong present.
And not just some days, it feels lately almost daily.
How do I know?
Well be around me for 24 hours and you know, ask my wife.
Really I can joke about it but it’s so frustrated!
Today for example, we where in a supermarket.
My wife was already standing in a line to pay the stuff we did buy.
A man came and stood behind her in the line.
Then I came and sad: excuse me, to the man and passed him.
So far so good, but then he told me he was first.
I told him in Swedish, that’s where I live, that I was with her, the woman in front of him.
He probably didn’t understand my Swedish and took me by my arm
and try to push me back.
I exploded and told him clearly , well loud is a better word, to get lost.
The problem was only that I sad it in Dutch, but he understood that he made me VERY angry.
Right away he went to another line and waited there instead for his turn.
Luckily, because the security guard also cam to check out what the problem was.
But he was not needed.
It’s such a stupid moment, that I felt right away so bad about.
Most of all because I embarrassed my wife in front of others.
And it happens so many times.
I get so tired and frustrated with myself.
There is nothing worse then hurting the ones you love!
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I do know that something has to change.
Complains/side effects.
The same as the last days.
The exploding and irritating feelings are part of the ADHD.
That’s not a complain caused by Strattera.
ADHD effects
Also the same as written before.
Nothing new, so why repeat right?
It’s late and I got to get up early, so I better stop and get some sleep.
Day 28 on Strattera
How I feel
Well ok, but today the tiredness was extreme bad again.
On the end of my shift, I work a 12 hours shift, I was so tired that I had to get a short nap ( sleep)
It’s only 15 minutes driving to my home, but I was really totally wasted.
And it’s not because of the work itself.
Because I’m driving around in the car the whole day.
So no physical job.
Complains/Side effects
The same as always, but more tiredness today.
ADHD effects
Also the same as before, I have not so much time today so I’ll keep it short.
Day 25,26 and 27 on Strattera
How I feel
Pretty good.
Although I missed 3 days of writing, so I will write about them all in this posting.
But I have been keeping it up daily for 24 days, that’s a record for me!
So I’m still happy with that, but of course I haven’t given up.
I will be serious again from now on.
It’s hard, very hard, but I refuse to let ADHD rule my life.
My goal is to have a good live, despite my ADHD.
I will be successful with my relationships, my work, my own companies etc.
I feel like I don’t have a grip on my life, but I will get that back.
I want and will get control back over my own life.
ADHD or not, I will not only survive, I will have a constant daily victory!
Because if I don’t believe in myself, who will?
Well I have to admit that I could never be this strong without God in my life.
And my wife, I give her allot of headaches, but she is always there for me.
Really if it wasn’t for God and my wife, I don’t know what I would have for a life!
Complains/side effects
The usual ones: Dry mouth, weak in the legs that makes me so tired,
although that is getting better and better.
Sweating’ s, really it’s already April, but we still have snow outside.
Although it is starting to melt now.
But everybody is walking in winter jackets, when I get this sweating ’s I have
to take of my jacket, and walk around in my shirt. Otherwise I’m getting crazy.
ADHD effects
Like I wrote earlier, I feel a difference.
But not as much as I hoped for, but allot better then before.
Normally I had this stress and hunted feeling 24 hours a day.
But now that is gone, well most of the times.
But I still have a hard time not getting irritated so quickly.
I still have a hard time listening.
I still have a hard time to start thinking before I react on what others say.
You know I had a attitude most of my life.
I was expecting people not to like me.
And if they did, they could still not be long around me.
That did not happen all the time, but most of the times.
But that still has an effect on my life now.
Then I did not understand why people found it so hard to be around me.
Now I am allot wiser, first of all do I know now that I have ADHD.
That explains not only my problems I had in life, but also how people responded on me.
And why they could not be to long around me, or simply didn’t like me.
I was not easy to be around with. In that times I felt sorry for myself and blamed others.
Theo few friends I did have, them I really appreciated and was very thankful for those friendships.
Now, since I know better I don’t blame others anymore.
I also don’t blame myself, but just try to make the best of it.
And enjoy the talents I do have.
Not all of them, because producing and hosting radio programs
was a job I did for many years in Holland.
My Swedish is not good enough so I don’t do it here in Sweden.
I don’t have so much time anymore with a fulltime job and
2 own companies. But still that is where I am really good in.
So I am still dreaming that I can get paid for making an English
Gospel program on radio. Not the typical gospel programs you might think of now.
I never made those standard programs, I always had my own way of hosting a show with
spontaneous talks, good music and some humor.
Well who know it might still happen, right?
Day 24 on Strattera
How I feel
Today was pretty good again.
If I think ADHD related.
Because I did not have any rush or stress feeling in a extreme way.
So that was good.
Complains/side effects:
The same as the last days.
Although I forget to mention a few.
Now when I was walking with our dog in the woods,
I was thinking about side effects that I forgot to write down.
I normally have as side effects: Dry mouth
Tiredness (although that is getting better lately)
Pain in the stomach ( when I don’t eat enough before I take Strattera)
Problems with toilet going ( urinating)
Bad mood problems ( sometimes a very extreme bad day, without reason)
I can’t think of any more now, but I’m sure I forgot something.
ADHD effects
The same as the last weeks, so I wont repeat that again.
Day 23 on Strattera
How I feel
Pretty good today.
I had forgotten Strattera in the morning, so it was not earlier then
15.00 hours before I took them.
But it was ok. I had a pretty good day today.
Complains/side effects
The normal ones:
Dry mouth, weak in the legs, but less then usual.
And what I forget to mention before is that I have also problems with
going to the toilet. Not so bad though.
If I have to take a leak, then I can not always do it.
This is because I’m driving a car when I’m working as a security guard.
So when I finally do go, then it is hard to get ‘it’ out.
No pain or anything like that, so I survive.
ADHD effects
Well the same as the days before, less hunted and stressed feelings.
But still quickly irritated etc and hard to concentrate and a chaos in my head.
But what else is new, right? 
Day22 on Strattera
How I feel
Pretty much as yesterday.
Today I don’t have so much time, and I wrote yesterday a long story.
So I keep it short.
Complains/Side effects
Dry mouth, very tired and today for the first time also pain in my stomach.
But that was my own fault.
I always eat breakfast before I take Strattera.
Today we had a birthday party, so I only took a peace of cake.
That was not a good idea, becauseI walked around with pain in my stomach for almost the whole day.
I hope that that was the reason, because I sure don’t
want to have a stomachflew or something.
ADHD effects
No difference then the other days.
So for those of you who follow my blog daily,
It’s a nice short simple blog today.
PS: I hear sometimes from people that they bookmark and/or follow me (if possible) daily.
It will be nice to hear from you to, if your are one of those people!
Have a nice weekend! I will have to work, but I got a very interesting soundbook
where I can listen to while i’m working ( read driving a car)
Hejdå!
Day 21 on Strattera
How I feel
Good , but not happy.
I just wrote a whole story but I didn’t save it. 
And now it is gone.
So I have to start all over again.
I feel good, also because I just to my meds, Strattera.
It always takes a while before it starts to work.
I know when it starts to work, because I feel when the side effects start.
I’m one of the lucky ones I think.
Because I have read allot of stories from people who have tried Strattera.
And they had pain going to the toilet or making out.
Pain in the stomach, could not get out of bed etc.
I ‘only’ have a dry mouth the whole day and a weak feeling in my legs.
The weak feeling in my legs are the worst because it makes you so unbelievable tired.
But if I have to choose,
then I rather have this tiredness then the constant pressure and stress
what I felt before I started with Strattera.
Sometimes I feel it , the stress and this hunted feelings, coming up.
Then I realize how I use to feel without the meds.
So yes, if I look back to how I felt and how I feel now,
then I’m happy with the results until now.
Of course I was also very lucky that I could join the cognitive test team
on the same time as I started with Strattera.
Complains/ side effects
The same as the ones in the last days.
So why repeat it all right?
ADHD effects
As I wrote above, I think I’m allot calmer with Strattera then before.
I always was so stressed, day in day out 24 hours a day.
Sometimes I had a calm day, without knowing why.
But normally I was not normal.
The best way to describe this stress is to compare it to the following situation:
Your about to go to your work, you have a important meeting.
If you come to late you will loose a deal what the company can not afford to loose.
This means that if your to late everybody will loose their job.
You know that, but your late now anyway.
You are trying to do everything you can to be on time.
But it’s to late already, you know your ‘normally’ can’t make it.
Your run and hurry as much as you can, you almost can’t stand the pressure.
Well that’s the stress feeling someone with ADHD has the whole day, 24 hours a day.
Because of this stress you forget allot of things and you can’t concentrate.
Maybe this example give a little more understanding on how i or some one else
with ADHD feels the whole day.
I write this so people without ADHD can understand a little better what goes on in someone who has ADHD.
Not so you can and/or will feel sorry.
I don’t need people around me who feel sorry, that’s at least last thing I need.
It’s not easy, but very interesting! I never have a boring day!
The most bad part is that I hurt or can be to much for the people close to me.
I never want to hurt others, especially not the ones around me.
But that happens, and that I hope to be able to reduce to zero.
as soon as I can.
Day 20 on Strattera
How I feel
Well today was pretty good.
Yes I still feel the weak feelings in my legs that makes me also so tired.
But for the rest I’m ok.
To bad that you can not get meds for a more organized life.
Although I did allot today, I still did not do allot of things I have to do.
I have to contact some customers of my company since a long time ago.
Also the administration needs to be updated, my web site updated etc.
I get so desperate sometimes, because my own company is still costing
me lots of money. If I would be more organized I think I could have
made already lots of money by now. But until today I still have to work fulltime
as a security guard beside my own company’s.
Yep I also have another company together with my wife.
We are selling BARF ( Biological Adjusted Raw Food) for pets.
Since we give our own pets BARF their health have improved so much!
But his has nothing to do with my ADHD, so I’m getting a little of topic here.
My dream is making radio! and….
I know that making radio is also off topic, but since I mentioned in another posting
that I have been making, producing and hosting radio programs for many years,
when I was still living in Holland I started to dream again.
Tonight I looked up on internet how much it would cost to make radio online.
And since Ipod is so popular I looked in to that also.
With Itunes quicktime player pro you can make online podcasts.
Podcasts are a kind of radio online broadcast.
And it is not even so expensive to buy that program.
But as far as I understand you don’t need a server with a BIG hard disk
for podcasts, right?
But of course, if I could get paid to make and host radio programs,
then would be the best of course!
What if I would start with short radio talks and put them here on my blog?
I wonder if people would listen? ( hint, hint, I want response!)
And…….
And….. my other dream is to write a book.
I know the subject already, you never guess……
But it would be nice if I could find a publisher first.
To bad I’m not a big known writer already, because they get paid in advance.
Then they get like 3 or 6 months to write a book.
Men wouldn’t that be fantastic?!
Well I better get back to the topic again, ADHD.
Complains/side effects
The same as before, weak feeling in my legs and a dry mouth.
Although the dry mouth was not so bad today.
I went to Lena today, she is the nurse from the ADHD team.
She has been checking my blood pressure, my weight and pulse weekly.
And al that was fine, I even loose a few kilo’s although I don’t eat less.
So that was a very positive side effect.
ADHD effects
Yep, when I was looking back today with Lena to how I was and how I am now,
then I think there is a big difference.
I’m so happy with that. Because I read so much stories from people who tried
Strattera and had to stop because of so many strong side effects and hardly any positive effects.
Well with me it’s the opposite.
And then when I read at the blog from Sepp ( see the link on the left side of my blog)
then I became extra nervous, he wrote that a test with Strattera in Sweden was a big failure.
Since I live in Sweden, it all becomes suddenly very close.
But this are the first meds I have good experiences with.
I just hope that the tiredness will disappear.
We have to wait and see.
Tomorrow my personal coach ( cognitive therapist) will come for the first time to my house.
I wonder if she will survive the shock when she enters my office?
Because it’s a real chaos in here.
When I understood that she was going to be like a personal coach to me I was so happy!
I wanted to start to work on all my problems in one time…….
But she did not think that that was such a good idea.
So I have to take it slow, one step after the other, instead of jumping ten step ahead.
You can read more about my coach and my proces at: cognitive therapy.
Day 19 on Strattera
How I feel
Today was ok, It sounds boring to repeat it again,
but I was VERY tired again today.
Stronger then normal, now my muscles felt strange also.
Like I havent been eating the whole day, a weak feeling.
Complains/Side effects
Ofcourse the dry mouth and today I felt extreme tired again.
Really, I’m getting so tired of being tired!
ADHD effects
No differences with the other days.
I keep it short because I don’t have so much time today.
Day 18 on Strattera
How I feel
Today was a good day!
I was feeling great!
Also because I was still in this success cloud from the seminar from yesterday.
It was so nice! And the main speaker who came all the way from England,
ask me when I dropped her of at the airport, if we would like to organize it again next time.
So that was a big compliment! Especially for my wife.
Because she did all the preparation and administration.
We fit good together, because I like to take care of the practical things the day itself.
And to get on stage and talk to the audience.
It gives me a little bit feeling of radio making that I have been doing when I was still living in Holland.
I made radio programs , producing, directing, controlling and presenting.
I really did enjoy that! I have also done music programs for a TV station.
But I prefer radio, because you can create your own atmosphere.
I’m living now in Sweden, and my Swedish is not good enough to host a radio show in Swedish.
But my dream is to host a radio show in English on internet.
Maybe someone who needs a DJ will read this and offer me a job some DJ/Radio host for an online
Radio station?
Complains/side effects
Just the usual ones like a dry mouth and being tired.
I’m getting tired of being tired, even in the supermarket
I felt like an old men without any condition.
ADHD effects
It’s so hard to say.
Somehow you get so easy used to the way you feel.
But I think if I look at the whole me, that I am calmer.
It’s far from perfect, but so much better then before when I was always stressed.
I think that Strattera has given me the best results from all other meds I tested before.
Maybe I should ask money from Strattera for giving them so much worldwide publicity?
Doctors, nurses, therapists and other specialists are reading my blog,
and friends and fellow ADHDers also of course.
Who has their email address? 
